Two Ladies
by Yanagi-wa
Summary: Companion stories. In one, Relena demands respect in a very lady like way. Or not. In the other, Lady Une has a bad day.
1. Like a Lady

Like A Lady

Title: Like A Lady

Chapter: One Shot

Word count: 480

Rating:Mature

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine. All characters belong to Sotsu Agency and others.

Warnings: None. Not even bad language.

Parings: None.

Authors Note: My attempt at a drabble. Ok, no spit takes or rolling on the floor.

~O~

Duo eyed the mess with a jaundiced eye. "Well, isn't that just a kick in the nuts."

Heero sighed. "Yeah, Une is going to have kittens."

"Yeah, saber tooth tiger one's."

Neither one of them really wanted another of Une's ass eatings, she didn't, as Duo said, "Eat them out. She ate around it and let it fall out." painfully.

"Ok, how the hell do we get out of this one?"

Before Heero could answer Duo, a voice behind them announced, "You don't. I really want to know if this mess was necessary."

Duo hid his face in one hand, Heero braced himself and turned around. Lady Une was standing right behind them, looking extremely pissed.

Heero just said, "Do you want to wait for my formal report or do you want it, down-and-dirty, now?"

Une glanced at the collapsed portico of the hotel and the three squashed taxies. "Now please. And it had better be good."

"Terrorist bomb in a catering truck. Not original but effective. You'd think that the hotels would learn. Duo actually saw it, it was in a cake, but the wiring showed. Stupid in the extreme."

"If you both knew it was there, how the hell did you let it explode?" Une glared. "Enquiring minds want to know."

Duo took up the explanation. "Ya see, the guy wouldn't let us near it. We even showed him our badges. You said, last time, not to make a big stink, just call it in and let the locals take care of it." He shrugged, looking a bit satisfied. "So we did. Especially since the locals called us a couple of glory seeking kids. You said not to get on the bad side of the locals by rubbing their noses in the fact that we really do know what we're doing." He glanced back at the damage. "It's not really that bad. No structural damage beyond the collapse of the portico."

Une rubbed her chin. "That's not the point." She stopped for a moment.

Duo barged in with, "Yeah and he called us paranoid assholes. Paranoid I'll go along with but not asshole. I'm actually quite charming."

"When you're not killing something." Heero smirked a bit.

"Snappy, really snappy, Yuy. Ha, ha."

Une couldn't decide what annoyed her more, the childish bickering or the fact that they had obeyed her latest request, which was what had led them to this mess.

"Enough! Find the commander of the locals and tell him I want to speak to him." Une started to pace, muttering to herself. Duo looked at her for a moment then started to walk away. Une turned, drew her pistol and fired. Duo ducked, Heero flinched and the man who was about to shoot Heero in the back, died.

Une raised an eyebrow at them. "Despite my obsessive bean counting, I'm a soldier too. Remember?"

Main Index  



	2. Lady Like Behavior

Title: Ladylike Behavior

Chapter: one shot

Word count: 819

Rating: Mature

Parings: None

Warnings: Foul language, threats of violence

Beta: None

Disclaimer: I do not own or hold any rights to Gundam Wing. Those rights belong to Bandai, Sunrise, and the Sotsu Agency. These fan fictions were written for fun, not profit. However, this story does belong to me. Please don't snitch it.

Summary: Relena is tired of acting like a lady.

Relena sighed and straightened her hat. She was going to have to send for another pair of shoes.

"I swear I'm going to start carrying a brick in my purse."

Duo snorted, "You might let your bodyguards actually guard your body. It's what we're here for, ya know." But the proud grin on his face belied his words.

Relena jerked her suit jacket straight and snorted. "You always look out. It's the one's that are already close to me that I have problems with. You're not there to protect me from idiots, just assassins." She snarled as she realized that one of the sleeves had separated from the body of her jacket, right at the arm seam. "Damn it. I liked this suit."

Heero just grunted. "Have it sewn."

Relena sighed. "Oh, Heero, I wish. But there'd be such a fuss about me wearing a repaired suit that it's just not worth it."

Duo got back to the meat of the matter. "So, why'd you smack him?"

"Hands, hands in places I didn't want them."

Duo sighed back at Relena. "You know we're not allowed to interfere in 'greeting'. Just in case it's someone you..." He trailed off when Relena gave him a glower worthy of Heero.

Duo held up his hand as if fending off a blow. "Sorry, sorry. Don't get all bent out of shape."

Relena growled again. "Fuck. I'm sick of this. I don't like strangers touching me. Every Tom, Dickless and Hairyass seems to think it's just fine to maul and molest me. And I'm supposed to display lady like behavior and tolerate it. I'm sick of it. Damn it. Those obnoxious, slick handed, groping, grabbing, disgusting toads."

Heero raised and eyebrow and murmured, "No, don't hold back, tell us exactly what you think."

"Shut it! It's not funny. The Sanq House of Lords will still try to force me to marry if I'm compromised. I wouldn't do it, but it'll make an ungodly stink."

Duo scowled. But Heero just shrugged.

Relena continued to rant and rave for a while until one of her publicity advisors came in and heard her. He frowned and shook his head. "Now, my lady, that's not very nice. A charming young woman like you shouldn't even know such words. We'll forget and make a spectacle of ourself. We should never let such words cross our lips."

Duo covered his face with one hand but peeked out from between his fingers. Heero just sighed.

Relena on the other hand, went on the attack. "I know other words, like cock sucker, ass wipe, ass kisser, dick wad and . . ." She snickered at his shocked face. "Oh, fuck it, don't look so damned shocked. You wouldn't say shit if you had a mouth full of it, but that doesn't mean I'm so limp wristed. You're a namby-pamby, stick up the ass, spin doctor. So go sit and spin. I'm tired of all of this. If I swear in public, tough. And the next pussy licker that tries to grope me is in real trouble, I'll cut his balls off." She turned to Duo, hand outstretched. "Give me a knife."

Duo just shrugged and handed her one, sheath and all. "Here you go, my lady."

"Thank you. Oh, and just so you all know. The first person to say I don't exhibit lady like behavior is going to lose his nuts. Got me?" She glared around the room.

Duo just grinned, Heero maintained his stony face, although his lips twitched a bit. The rest of the occupants all managed not to cringe.

Relena got Duo to help her hide the knife then she turned to various publicists, secretaries, and public relations experts and announced. "Ok, quit bitching and get with the program. No one is allowed to touch me except people on a list I will give you. No one, not for any reason. I'm tired of shaking hands with people with sweaty palms, or men who crush my rings into my fingers. It's going to stop, if you don't like it, tough shit." Duo snickered. "And you, your job is to draw off the one's I point out." Heero started to object. Relena gave him her sweetest smile. "Unless you'd rather do it." Heero shook his head.

Relena swept the room with another glare. "I am too a goddamn lady. And the first fucker to say I'm not is dead meat." With that she snorted, stripped off her torn jacket, stepped into her new shoes and stormed out the door, slamming it behind her.


End file.
